Fitting a square peg in a round hole

The self-help industry is a multi-billion dollar behemoth, yet much of it is built on shaky foundations, promising quick fixes and transformations with little scientific backing. This is the second installment in a three-part series dissecting the common flaws and pitfalls of the self-help world. Read the first article here.

Today’s Idea

I was scrolling through social media one evening when a video from a well-known self-help guru popped up. In that black and white video, the impeccably dressed gentleman confidently spilled the "secret" to wealth. "Poor people spend first and invest what's left," he proclaimed, "while rich people invest first and then spend what's left."

My jaw dropped. Not in admiration, but in disbelief. I grew up in a poor working-class family. My parents budgeted every penny just to cover basic necessities. It wasn't a matter of choosing to spend first. It was a matter of needing to spend first just to survive. Rent, groceries, utilities – these weren't optional extras. They were the foundation of our lives. The idea of having a significant chunk of money left over to "invest first" was, frankly, laughable.

Unsurprisingly, the comments section under the video was a firestorm. People were outraged, echoing my own sentiments. "Spoken like a man who has never missed a meal in his whole life." one comment read. Another said, "I invest all my money in what i call as keeping myself alive."

This experience highlighted a fundamental flaw in much self-help: the "one-size-fits-all" fallacy. It assumes the same advice works for everyone, regardless of circumstances. Think of it like a "one-size-fits-all" t-shirt – it might technically fit, but it probably won't look good or feel comfortable on most.

You may have noticed a lengthy section on writer’s struggle before revealing the “secret” in almost every self-help book. It's a classic formula: pages and pages detailing their hardships, their setbacks, their moments of despair.

Why?

Because these stories aren't really about them; they're about you. Or rather, they're about making you think they're about you.

The goal isn't just to inspire. It's to create an emotional bond, a sense of shared experience. By meticulously detailing their struggles, they're trying to get you to identify with them, to see your own challenges reflected in their story. You start to think, "Wow, they went through that, and they still succeeded? Maybe I can too!"

You get emotionally invested. You start to believe. And that's precisely when they hit you with the "solution" – the one-size-fits-all answer that supposedly worked for them and, by extension (because you now feel like you're just like them), will magically work for you too.

A few days later, the emotion dries down. You go back to where you started.

To sum up today’s idea, popular self help advice often fails to take into account three crucial things: the Individual Uniqueness (Personality & Strengths), Personal History (Experiences & Mental Health), and Contextual Realities (socioeconomic and other barriers).

Today’s Action

Today, make a simple affirmation to yourself. From now on, you will not blindly accept any self-help advice. Instead, you will cultivate a habit of critical questioning. Before embracing any new strategy or mantra, ask yourself these three crucial questions:

• The Personality Fit: Does this resonate with my natural personality and strengths? Does it feel authentic to who I am, or am I trying to force myself into a mold that doesn't fit?

• The History Check: Does this acknowledge my past experiences and any mental health considerations? Is it sensitive to my history, or does it gloss over important factors that might impact my well-being?

• The Reality Test: Is this relevant to my current cultural, social, and economic circumstances? Does it take into account the realities of my life, or is it based on assumptions that don't apply to me?

If the answer to any of these questions is "no," proceed with extreme caution, or better yet, seek out advice that's more tailored to your specific situation. The best advices will empower you to find your own path, not a generic, one-size-fits-all solution. True self-improvement is about understanding yourself, embracing your uniqueness, and finding strategies that work for you.

Your journey is unique. Don’t let people tell you otherwise.